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health & well-being

gluestick

Shut up or Speak up?

By | health & well-being, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

gluestickOften seen, or at least heard by my nearest and dearest, as overbearing, opinionated and a tete-de-bois (aka stubborn), I have also been accused of being too loud, too forceful, too…….much. Not to mention that “you always think you’re right!”

That accusation was thrown at me again today…so I am bleeding a little, but have put on a tourniquet to nurse my wound as I reflect on whether I am indeed an insensitive bully, feisty femme or hard-hearted, as the accusation may suggest.  Or am I simply a woman who’s learning in this lifetime is to finally find her voice?

Should I take heed and soften the blow, remain silent or turn into a withering wallflower with no “character” or “spunky soul”?  Should I risk the backlash of someone’s ill-opinion of me, or non-value of my ideas or opinions if I were to put tonality into my thoughts?  And is it easier to say nothing and inwardly “reel”, or suffer the consequences of “stirring the pot” which for me typically turns into isolation.  Me on one side of the tennis court and a whole heap of others on the other.  This game does not sit comfortable within my spirit, but is very familiar territory.

I am loving peri-menopause for the opportunity to play with fire – emotions once buried, words left unsaid and patterns that have left me speechless, helpless and often the victim.  I love that my fertile years have shown me how to attend to society’s needs. In essence, that has meant others always before myself and a silencing of my inner and outer voice.  I love now that menopause is offering me an opportunity to attend to my own soul needs.  It is indeed time for me to meet me.  It is now time for me to cry out and request a life on my terms.  It is now time to be a change-maker, by no longer “keeping the peace’, but daring to dive into a different way of relating.

So what have I noticed in my demeanour in the process of discovering my voice?  My tone is stronger and not everyone likes that. My voice is deeper so it sounds more forceful – increasing the apparent blow.  My opinion is more fervent and is often violently opposed. My ability to stay standing, when normally I would wilt in conflict, is become stronger so I have become a boxer, rather than a ring-side spectator.  My courage is allowing me to take small steps within my inner circle to risk all – which may mean I lose them.  That’s difficult, painful and frightening, but something I am prepared to do.

So bring on the chapstick, not the gluestick.  And a little salve now and then to nurse the wounds.

 

If you would like support in your current life transition and put you first on the priority list (aka self care, self value, self love), contact me.  And if you would love a woman’s journal that will challenge you on “hearing and voicing your own needs, wants and desires, check out my book Dancing in Her Own Full Moonlight:  The Ebb and Flow of Being Fully Woman.  www.janellefletcher.com

Is “Get Shit Done” (GSD) the modern day woman’s disease?

By | health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Uncategorized, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

This week I felt my skin tighten, my hands go up in despair and my heart wrench again as I read an article from yet another “up and coming modern day woman” who is putting out a new online programme about getting shit done (GSD) and flagging the “emotional stuff”.

GSD  is becoming a sought after disease in my eyes and it ignores the inherent nature of who we are in our feminine, and it also negates the positives of emotional expression, inner self worth and also the need or desire for a softer way of living life.

Ladies, from years of playing superwoman and becoming a burnt-out, unwell superwoman for a time, I now know we don’t always have to do, do, do.  There is another way to feel successful without a tick-off list. And how many of us women cry for a rest or retreat but keep going – fighting the feminine who is crying out for more pleasure and less pain, more rest and less stress and more ease and less disease in our mind and in our spirit?

The feminine is “curves” – not just ploughing the straight lines of a field day in and day out, not just keeping the stiff upper lip while you are a blithering mess and not simply pleasing or appeasing others with your “brilliant efforts”, while ignoring your own self-care or natural ebb and flow of emotions.

And how about this?

  • Imagine telling your teenage daughter when her relationship breaks up  “Don’t worry darling, just get over it and get on with finding the next boyfriend” instead of allowing her to feel sad, pine and get the comfort and support she desires from you.
  • It also doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that suppressed emotions don’t stay suppressed forever. Ignoring them, by getting on with life and ploughing on is not helpful.  One day emotions will show their head in unwellness, in a massive tantrum, life crisis or some other guise.  
  • And GSD, I believe, is another from of escapism – much like being attached at the hip to your phone or social media posts.  We lose sight of the real world, and we lose our connection and deeper intimacy with people we actually used to, or presently claim to care about because we are simply too busy GSD’ing. 
  • And what’s more is that GSD is a masculine way of measuring our success.  We think we have to get stuff done, ticked off and accomplished in a time-frame and manner that warrants approval from yourself or others. The feminine in us knows, from a deep inner space, that self approval is the biggest measure of success whether we are doing loads, or doing nothing, whether we are looking our best or not, and whether we look like we “have it sorted” or whether we are fumbling around for awhile.  And actually, why do we have to build an empire right here, right now when other things may be more important, more pressing or more up your alley in terms of what you actually value?
  • And GSD – helps us block out the pain of change, grief or transition – where the actual gold is.  How many women do you know who have had cancer, to then finally have the “aha” moment that there is more to life than business, GSD, success in the material world and being the next “biggest and brightest woman” offering the planet something. Sometimes, success is in the simple.

Food for thought ladies.  Here’s to doing less, so we can have more.

Hey gorgeous, I would love you to send me what this post has sparked within you by sending me an email at janelle@janellefletcher.com or by posting a comment at the somebody beautiful facebook community.  

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Janelle Fletcher  www.janellefletcher.com