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self esteem & self confidence

What’s my womb pain got to do with self-esteem?

By | self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments
Woooooo, I am not only menstruating today, but I feel a deep womb-pain that needs to be voiced.  If there is one thing that is coming from deep within today (much like a menstrual cramp wanting attention or a contraction that is grow(n)ing me closer to giving birth), it is that if we simply be our unique, divinely-created self and be that light for one other person in our lifetime, then that is indeed valued, important, critical and appreciated.  And we are born to be non-chameleoned women dancing to our own rhythms, and not clones of a “bigger and better” machine.
 
So what is my word medicine for myself and other women today that comes from this womb-pain? Well, this ache come from a deep place of dissatisfaction and frustration and a “jeepers do we really have to operate like that type of exasperation?” And they are words of encouragement to those of you who love deeply, care extraordinarily, “turn up” courageously through the thick and thin, and who have that deep calling to make a difference, but who often don’t feel visible, validated and en-COURAGE-d or “not up to scratch” when it comes to the “big-players”.
 
Recently I attended an event where I was greeted at the door, not with “Hello, you’re special and welcome Janelle”, but a “Hello are you a VIP?” My natural and quick response was “Yes I’m a Very Important Person indeed.” No, what they actually meant was “Have you paid to be treated even better today at this event?” Ouch!
 
And I was to be interviewed for a Global summit and suddenly the organisers decided my “list wasn’t big enough” to be part of their “integrity of the summit”. Yowsa.
 
But I figure I could take those “hey, you’re not good enough, bright enough, big enough, valuable enough” or “haven’t earned your way into this “camp” yet type of stuff to burn and scald me. But instead, what I know from deep within my womanly womb-space and feminine knowingness is this.
 
The masculine tells us we need to be “bigger, brighter, better” and will judge us on whether we are “enough” or “not good enough” based on that criteria. The “feminine” whispers, “Be you and make your small but significant difference in the way only you can do”. One small act may be your calling and responsibility in this life-time.  A simple hug.   A kind smile.  A heart-felt word of encouragement that may make the world of difference to someone.
 
The masculine tells us list size is important and you are not enough if you only serve a few. The feminine tells us “Wow, the one life you saved in that moment when you were truly attentive to that woman’s soul cries, is phenomenal and such a gift.” Darling, I urge you today to continue to offer that personal attention and intimate connection with one other, so they too feel special, acknowledged, validated, seen and heard.
 
The masculine wants to spout forth the “10 greatest steps to serve the masses” or “the 3 secrets on how to…” The feminine invites us to be more intuitively-honed, gentler-paced, more personal and individually attentive. And she will certainly invite us to be less “success-driven” in the “outer word” and more soul-focussed on our own internal world so we can heal not just others, but ourselves.
 
So today if you don’t necessarily have a thriving business, maybe you don’t have much money or you have days of feeling quite “deep, dark or not-good-enough” or “heck I’m not making much of a difference”, then think again. Actually don’t think! Instead feel and know in this precious moment today, you simply being you, dancing to the beat of your own rhythms and singing your own soul song, is what the feminine longs for, and your success lies in honouring her.
Love as you do and make your impact by your own divine knowing you are “well and truly a VIP” making your difference in the world – one soul at a time and starting with you being uniquely you.
 
From my book Dancing in Her Own Full Moonlight, this poem captures some of the essence of what I have been attempting to give voice to.
 
chameleonDay 27: Shape Shifting into Self by Janelle Fletcher
 
Pushed into corners
And constraints of my busy diary
Schedules
Things to do list
And “be all to everyone” way
Has over many years
Shaped me into something
I don’t want to be
Superwoman
Not so super any longer however
Because exhaustion
Doesn’t help me
Live with vibrancy
Joy
Or actually just be me
It’s a cardboard cut-out of me
So shaped by my own expectations
From within
And without
The imprisonment of
Time
Schedule
Templating
Looking like everyone else
Succeeding life their way
That by most is seen as the norm
Desired
Or a mark of success
Is squashing me
And keeping me 2-D
But I don’t fit in those circles
Of women
Who cling onto
The next 3 secret principles
Of doing well in biz
Or the latest blueprint for
Having the life I love
I don’t fit in those gatherings
Where it’s the exclusive club
Of the latest and greatest aspiring
Entrepreneur
Biz gal or
Success-driven women
Who shape themselves into
A busy, tight diary
Workload
And social commitment
I cry for what they are missing out on
In their pursuit for freedom
That they dream will come
One Day
I stand alone often
Feeling like I’m a triangle
While others are squares
Wanting to be bigger
And better squares
My greatest desire is to be the
Flowingly
Fabulously
Fun-fulfilled
Me again
That doesn’t get shaped
By such imprisonment
Of Time
Schedule
Templating
But craves for me
In all my shapeless
Glory
That once was
To re-emerge
My desire
Is not to fill my diary
Not to be a clone
And not to be all to everyone
But to feel successful
In the moments
I take care of me and not always others
When I don’t appear to have anything
Or I don’t appear to be moving anywhere
There is true success
And contentment
Feeling peaceful
In my humblest
Darkest
And even messiest place
As a woman
Where I am not
The 2D cardboard that’s monochrome
But instead a 3-D
Mutable
Colourful
Un-shape
But it takes something to shapeshift into self
To metamorph
And know
That my greatest success is to
Frolic in the sea of difference
Not float in the sea of sameness
To flow with my own rhythmic nature
Rather than march to the beat of someone else’s drum
To love my curves of my body, my life, my cycle
And not be the straight line pursuit driven women
Who drives and strives
At the same pace everyday
While missing out on the scenery on the way
And to be messy and vulnerable
Joyful and pleasured
A non-chameleoned woman
Who has the freedom of
Not camouflaging herself
 
 
 What are you doing out of expectation that doesn’t really “fit” you?  Where is your uniqueness and how can you express that more freely?  How can you be more real and be the uncamouflaged you?
 
Feel free to purchase a copy of this beautiful collection of poetry with themes that will sing to your “feminine” and with reflection questions that will help shed light on the beautiful, amazing you. www.janellefletcher.com/shop/
 

Is “Get Shit Done” (GSD) the modern day woman’s disease?

By | health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Uncategorized, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

This week I felt my skin tighten, my hands go up in despair and my heart wrench again as I read an article from yet another “up and coming modern day woman” who is putting out a new online programme about getting shit done (GSD) and flagging the “emotional stuff”.

GSD  is becoming a sought after disease in my eyes and it ignores the inherent nature of who we are in our feminine, and it also negates the positives of emotional expression, inner self worth and also the need or desire for a softer way of living life.

Ladies, from years of playing superwoman and becoming a burnt-out, unwell superwoman for a time, I now know we don’t always have to do, do, do.  There is another way to feel successful without a tick-off list. And how many of us women cry for a rest or retreat but keep going – fighting the feminine who is crying out for more pleasure and less pain, more rest and less stress and more ease and less disease in our mind and in our spirit?

The feminine is “curves” – not just ploughing the straight lines of a field day in and day out, not just keeping the stiff upper lip while you are a blithering mess and not simply pleasing or appeasing others with your “brilliant efforts”, while ignoring your own self-care or natural ebb and flow of emotions.

And how about this?

  • Imagine telling your teenage daughter when her relationship breaks up  “Don’t worry darling, just get over it and get on with finding the next boyfriend” instead of allowing her to feel sad, pine and get the comfort and support she desires from you.
  • It also doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that suppressed emotions don’t stay suppressed forever. Ignoring them, by getting on with life and ploughing on is not helpful.  One day emotions will show their head in unwellness, in a massive tantrum, life crisis or some other guise.  
  • And GSD, I believe, is another from of escapism – much like being attached at the hip to your phone or social media posts.  We lose sight of the real world, and we lose our connection and deeper intimacy with people we actually used to, or presently claim to care about because we are simply too busy GSD’ing. 
  • And what’s more is that GSD is a masculine way of measuring our success.  We think we have to get stuff done, ticked off and accomplished in a time-frame and manner that warrants approval from yourself or others. The feminine in us knows, from a deep inner space, that self approval is the biggest measure of success whether we are doing loads, or doing nothing, whether we are looking our best or not, and whether we look like we “have it sorted” or whether we are fumbling around for awhile.  And actually, why do we have to build an empire right here, right now when other things may be more important, more pressing or more up your alley in terms of what you actually value?
  • And GSD – helps us block out the pain of change, grief or transition – where the actual gold is.  How many women do you know who have had cancer, to then finally have the “aha” moment that there is more to life than business, GSD, success in the material world and being the next “biggest and brightest woman” offering the planet something. Sometimes, success is in the simple.

Food for thought ladies.  Here’s to doing less, so we can have more.

Hey gorgeous, I would love you to send me what this post has sparked within you by sending me an email at janelle@janellefletcher.com or by posting a comment at the somebody beautiful facebook community.  

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Janelle Fletcher  www.janellefletcher.com