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gluestick

Shut up or Speak up?

By | health & well-being, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

gluestickOften seen, or at least heard by my nearest and dearest, as overbearing, opinionated and a tete-de-bois (aka stubborn), I have also been accused of being too loud, too forceful, too…….much. Not to mention that “you always think you’re right!”

That accusation was thrown at me again today…so I am bleeding a little, but have put on a tourniquet to nurse my wound as I reflect on whether I am indeed an insensitive bully, feisty femme or hard-hearted, as the accusation may suggest.  Or am I simply a woman who’s learning in this lifetime is to finally find her voice?

Should I take heed and soften the blow, remain silent or turn into a withering wallflower with no “character” or “spunky soul”?  Should I risk the backlash of someone’s ill-opinion of me, or non-value of my ideas or opinions if I were to put tonality into my thoughts?  And is it easier to say nothing and inwardly “reel”, or suffer the consequences of “stirring the pot” which for me typically turns into isolation.  Me on one side of the tennis court and a whole heap of others on the other.  This game does not sit comfortable within my spirit, but is very familiar territory.

I am loving peri-menopause for the opportunity to play with fire – emotions once buried, words left unsaid and patterns that have left me speechless, helpless and often the victim.  I love that my fertile years have shown me how to attend to society’s needs. In essence, that has meant others always before myself and a silencing of my inner and outer voice.  I love now that menopause is offering me an opportunity to attend to my own soul needs.  It is indeed time for me to meet me.  It is now time for me to cry out and request a life on my terms.  It is now time to be a change-maker, by no longer “keeping the peace’, but daring to dive into a different way of relating.

So what have I noticed in my demeanour in the process of discovering my voice?  My tone is stronger and not everyone likes that. My voice is deeper so it sounds more forceful – increasing the apparent blow.  My opinion is more fervent and is often violently opposed. My ability to stay standing, when normally I would wilt in conflict, is become stronger so I have become a boxer, rather than a ring-side spectator.  My courage is allowing me to take small steps within my inner circle to risk all – which may mean I lose them.  That’s difficult, painful and frightening, but something I am prepared to do.

So bring on the chapstick, not the gluestick.  And a little salve now and then to nurse the wounds.

 

If you would like support in your current life transition and put you first on the priority list (aka self care, self value, self love), contact me.  And if you would love a woman’s journal that will challenge you on “hearing and voicing your own needs, wants and desires, check out my book Dancing in Her Own Full Moonlight:  The Ebb and Flow of Being Fully Woman.  www.janellefletcher.com

chameleon

What’s my womb pain got to do with self-esteem?

By | self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments
Woooooo, I am not only menstruating today, but I feel a deep womb-pain that needs to be voiced.  If there is one thing that is coming from deep within today (much like a menstrual cramp wanting attention or a contraction that is grow(n)ing me closer to giving birth), it is that if we simply be our unique, divinely-created self and be that light for one other person in our lifetime, then that is indeed valued, important, critical and appreciated.  And we are born to be non-chameleoned women dancing to our own rhythms, and not clones of a “bigger and better” machine.
 
So what is my word medicine for myself and other women today that comes from this womb-pain? Well, this ache come from a deep place of dissatisfaction and frustration and a “jeepers do we really have to operate like that type of exasperation?” And they are words of encouragement to those of you who love deeply, care extraordinarily, “turn up” courageously through the thick and thin, and who have that deep calling to make a difference, but who often don’t feel visible, validated and en-COURAGE-d or “not up to scratch” when it comes to the “big-players”.
 
Recently I attended an event where I was greeted at the door, not with “Hello, you’re special and welcome Janelle”, but a “Hello are you a VIP?” My natural and quick response was “Yes I’m a Very Important Person indeed.” No, what they actually meant was “Have you paid to be treated even better today at this event?” Ouch!
 
And I was to be interviewed for a Global summit and suddenly the organisers decided my “list wasn’t big enough” to be part of their “integrity of the summit”. Yowsa.
 
But I figure I could take those “hey, you’re not good enough, bright enough, big enough, valuable enough” or “haven’t earned your way into this “camp” yet type of stuff to burn and scald me. But instead, what I know from deep within my womanly womb-space and feminine knowingness is this.
 
The masculine tells us we need to be “bigger, brighter, better” and will judge us on whether we are “enough” or “not good enough” based on that criteria. The “feminine” whispers, “Be you and make your small but significant difference in the way only you can do”. One small act may be your calling and responsibility in this life-time.  A simple hug.   A kind smile.  A heart-felt word of encouragement that may make the world of difference to someone.
 
The masculine tells us list size is important and you are not enough if you only serve a few. The feminine tells us “Wow, the one life you saved in that moment when you were truly attentive to that woman’s soul cries, is phenomenal and such a gift.” Darling, I urge you today to continue to offer that personal attention and intimate connection with one other, so they too feel special, acknowledged, validated, seen and heard.
 
The masculine wants to spout forth the “10 greatest steps to serve the masses” or “the 3 secrets on how to…” The feminine invites us to be more intuitively-honed, gentler-paced, more personal and individually attentive. And she will certainly invite us to be less “success-driven” in the “outer word” and more soul-focussed on our own internal world so we can heal not just others, but ourselves.
 
So today if you don’t necessarily have a thriving business, maybe you don’t have much money or you have days of feeling quite “deep, dark or not-good-enough” or “heck I’m not making much of a difference”, then think again. Actually don’t think! Instead feel and know in this precious moment today, you simply being you, dancing to the beat of your own rhythms and singing your own soul song, is what the feminine longs for, and your success lies in honouring her.
Love as you do and make your impact by your own divine knowing you are “well and truly a VIP” making your difference in the world – one soul at a time and starting with you being uniquely you.
 
From my book Dancing in Her Own Full Moonlight, this poem captures some of the essence of what I have been attempting to give voice to.
 
chameleonDay 27: Shape Shifting into Self by Janelle Fletcher
 
Pushed into corners
And constraints of my busy diary
Schedules
Things to do list
And “be all to everyone” way
Has over many years
Shaped me into something
I don’t want to be
Superwoman
Not so super any longer however
Because exhaustion
Doesn’t help me
Live with vibrancy
Joy
Or actually just be me
It’s a cardboard cut-out of me
So shaped by my own expectations
From within
And without
The imprisonment of
Time
Schedule
Templating
Looking like everyone else
Succeeding life their way
That by most is seen as the norm
Desired
Or a mark of success
Is squashing me
And keeping me 2-D
But I don’t fit in those circles
Of women
Who cling onto
The next 3 secret principles
Of doing well in biz
Or the latest blueprint for
Having the life I love
I don’t fit in those gatherings
Where it’s the exclusive club
Of the latest and greatest aspiring
Entrepreneur
Biz gal or
Success-driven women
Who shape themselves into
A busy, tight diary
Workload
And social commitment
I cry for what they are missing out on
In their pursuit for freedom
That they dream will come
One Day
I stand alone often
Feeling like I’m a triangle
While others are squares
Wanting to be bigger
And better squares
My greatest desire is to be the
Flowingly
Fabulously
Fun-fulfilled
Me again
That doesn’t get shaped
By such imprisonment
Of Time
Schedule
Templating
But craves for me
In all my shapeless
Glory
That once was
To re-emerge
My desire
Is not to fill my diary
Not to be a clone
And not to be all to everyone
But to feel successful
In the moments
I take care of me and not always others
When I don’t appear to have anything
Or I don’t appear to be moving anywhere
There is true success
And contentment
Feeling peaceful
In my humblest
Darkest
And even messiest place
As a woman
Where I am not
The 2D cardboard that’s monochrome
But instead a 3-D
Mutable
Colourful
Un-shape
But it takes something to shapeshift into self
To metamorph
And know
That my greatest success is to
Frolic in the sea of difference
Not float in the sea of sameness
To flow with my own rhythmic nature
Rather than march to the beat of someone else’s drum
To love my curves of my body, my life, my cycle
And not be the straight line pursuit driven women
Who drives and strives
At the same pace everyday
While missing out on the scenery on the way
And to be messy and vulnerable
Joyful and pleasured
A non-chameleoned woman
Who has the freedom of
Not camouflaging herself
 
 
 What are you doing out of expectation that doesn’t really “fit” you?  Where is your uniqueness and how can you express that more freely?  How can you be more real and be the uncamouflaged you?
 
Feel free to purchase a copy of this beautiful collection of poetry with themes that will sing to your “feminine” and with reflection questions that will help shed light on the beautiful, amazing you. www.janellefletcher.com/shop/
 
woman leaving the nest

The pain of the umbilical cord being cut when kids fly the nest

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I am feeling the sharp and “takes your breath away” pain that arises not just with birthing our babes, but with letting go of the umbilical cord to our children who fly the nest.

woman leaving the nest

With the 5th of my 6 children about to leave home, I am experiencing this extraordinary mixture of emotions that arise. And these emotions are rolling in like a tidal wave that feels destructive, unlike my usual “calm on the water” way of relating to my family.

The nest has been prepared well, but she no longer wants to sit in the familiar nest, as it is starting to feel “foreign” or “undesirable” for her in her next stage of life.  This mother-bird has fed her young chick the “worms” she toiled to find, and the identity of motherhood slips away much like trying to hold water in your hand.  My ‘ugly” has reared her head as I observe my own reactions that have, over the years,  formed a pattern of how I deal with this kind of loss and I don’t like it. It doesn’t sit comfortably with me.  I become “not a nice person” to be around. My words become sharp, when they would typically “soften the blow”.  My connection and quality time I spend as a mother who cares a lot, morphs into me being on one side of the house, while she is on the other.  I want to numb the pain.  And as much as I have given my children the liberty and lessons to follow their own path, this allowing them to “leave the nest” on their journey of independence is damn difficult.

As two women in their own right transitioning at the same time, there is bound to be pain and grief.  So as a curvy, emotional woman and mother, how do I be with the pain, whilst also respecting the decisions of another?  How do I not turn into an ugly monster, when who I am is a loving mother-heart ? And how do I not feel offended, used and hurt, when it has actually been me that has been the over-doer, over-carer and sacrificial lamb for my children?  My sacrifice has out-weighed self-care.

My answer as I sit still and connect with my inner spirit is this:  Let the tears roll.  Nourish me.  Love her.

What has been your experience of “letting go of a family member”?  Post your stories.

 

Janelle Fletcher – Women’s Mentor, Speaker, Writer, Events – the feminine way of being.

Come over and join us at www.janellefletcher.com or somebody beautiful on facebook for more womanly wisdom – real and raw.  Or share this with a friend you know will find some solace in this blog post.

Is “Get Shit Done” (GSD) the modern day woman’s disease?

By | health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Uncategorized, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

This week I felt my skin tighten, my hands go up in despair and my heart wrench again as I read an article from yet another “up and coming modern day woman” who is putting out a new online programme about getting shit done (GSD) and flagging the “emotional stuff”.

GSD  is becoming a sought after disease in my eyes and it ignores the inherent nature of who we are in our feminine, and it also negates the positives of emotional expression, inner self worth and also the need or desire for a softer way of living life.

Ladies, from years of playing superwoman and becoming a burnt-out, unwell superwoman for a time, I now know we don’t always have to do, do, do.  There is another way to feel successful without a tick-off list. And how many of us women cry for a rest or retreat but keep going – fighting the feminine who is crying out for more pleasure and less pain, more rest and less stress and more ease and less disease in our mind and in our spirit?

The feminine is “curves” – not just ploughing the straight lines of a field day in and day out, not just keeping the stiff upper lip while you are a blithering mess and not simply pleasing or appeasing others with your “brilliant efforts”, while ignoring your own self-care or natural ebb and flow of emotions.

And how about this?

  • Imagine telling your teenage daughter when her relationship breaks up  “Don’t worry darling, just get over it and get on with finding the next boyfriend” instead of allowing her to feel sad, pine and get the comfort and support she desires from you.
  • It also doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that suppressed emotions don’t stay suppressed forever. Ignoring them, by getting on with life and ploughing on is not helpful.  One day emotions will show their head in unwellness, in a massive tantrum, life crisis or some other guise.  
  • And GSD, I believe, is another from of escapism – much like being attached at the hip to your phone or social media posts.  We lose sight of the real world, and we lose our connection and deeper intimacy with people we actually used to, or presently claim to care about because we are simply too busy GSD’ing. 
  • And what’s more is that GSD is a masculine way of measuring our success.  We think we have to get stuff done, ticked off and accomplished in a time-frame and manner that warrants approval from yourself or others. The feminine in us knows, from a deep inner space, that self approval is the biggest measure of success whether we are doing loads, or doing nothing, whether we are looking our best or not, and whether we look like we “have it sorted” or whether we are fumbling around for awhile.  And actually, why do we have to build an empire right here, right now when other things may be more important, more pressing or more up your alley in terms of what you actually value?
  • And GSD – helps us block out the pain of change, grief or transition – where the actual gold is.  How many women do you know who have had cancer, to then finally have the “aha” moment that there is more to life than business, GSD, success in the material world and being the next “biggest and brightest woman” offering the planet something. Sometimes, success is in the simple.

Food for thought ladies.  Here’s to doing less, so we can have more.

Hey gorgeous, I would love you to send me what this post has sparked within you by sending me an email at janelle@janellefletcher.com or by posting a comment at the somebody beautiful facebook community.  

And if you love this blog wisdom, why not share it with a friend using the social media links below?

And if you haven’t already, go to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit.  There are also some great free resources on this website, upcoming events, coaching/healing options and updates on my up-coming book – Dancing in her own Full Moonlight – the ebb and flow of being fully woman.  See you there!

Janelle Fletcher  www.janellefletcher.com 

 

diamonds and moon shape

Why Mother’s Day made me angry and why I am selling my jewellery!

By | relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and as a mother of many (6 in fact!) I have a love-hate relationship with Mother’s Day. Some years I have gone in to the day with huge expectations and have come out feeling a little less than acknowledged or “pleasured”.  Other days, like yesterday, I decided to drop the expectations and just make the most of taxi-driving to my son’s soccer game and then doing the pick-ups and drop-offs for my daughter and her friend. Not a great alternative to fine wining, dining, resting, coffee-ing or abandoning responsibilities that a mother secretly craves, but it was a conscious decision to enjoy the day no matter what and not rely on someone else to make it a good one.

So yes, my day ended out being a good one – in fact, a simple, yet pleasurable day enjoying my son finally getting a full game on the field and excelling – making me and himself proud, after weeks of spending half of the game on the bench.  I had a nice (pre-game) walk with another mum and retold stories and recollections of women we knew who had been through some tragedies when it comes to being mum including loss of kids –  in particular through accident, death and suicide, and we were reminded to be incredibly grateful for our kids who are still with us.  And the afternoon, the pick-ups and drop-offs were far more pleasant than they could have been, and my son and I filled in time eating monstrous Movenpick ice-creams at the beach.  Pleasant yes.  Filled stomach, for sure!

But is was into the night when the “darkness” caught up with me – that is, my seething pain around my ex-husband not supporting the kids financially and the huge strain that is on me.  It heightened my emotions around the fact that it’s ME, and not him that turns up for every occasion with the kids.  It is me who feeds them, reminds them to do their homework, snuggles in bed with them, teaches them how to cook, shows them the way of the world…..He is an absent parent in more ways than one, and sometimes this makes my blood boil.

So I went to bed seething and I woke up feeling depressed, like an after-match hangover.  And I stayed this way most of the day.

But what has this got to do with selling my jewellery?  Well it’s a Taurus New Moon – a bit of a clean slate time and a reminder to let some of the past go.  So this morning I ploughed through my jewellery box and found bits and pieces that my ex had given me or pieces that I had bought when I was grieving our separation, divorce and humble times…and I have decided to sell them, clear the energy and any of my “emotional umbilical cord” to that era of my past and the expectation that he support me in the way I feel I would love as a woman, mother to “our” kids and as sole parent to them now.  I can hear my inner self saying, “For crying out loud.  If you can’t send over money, at least tell me how grateful you are that I’m so flippin’ amazing!” but my self worth requires me not to rely on someone else for that or hang around wasting time with baited-breath for something different.

So diamonds, sapphires, garnets and silver…I loved you, I love you, but I allow you to go now as an act of cleaning my slate on this new moon and allowing new energies and emotions to rise within me and for new experiences to reveal themselves as the moon waxes once again.  I am so pleased that life waxes and wanes and allows us to rejuvenate.

 

Hey gorgeous, I would love you to send me what this post has sparked within you by sending me an email at janelle@janellefletcher.com or by posting a comment at the somebody beautiful facebook community.  

And if you love this blog wisdom, why not share it with a friend using the social media links below?

And if you haven’t already, go to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit.  There are also some great free resources on this website, upcoming events, coaching/healing options and updates on my up-coming book – Dancing in her own Full Moonlight – the ebb and flow of being fully woman.  See you there!

Janelle Fletcher  www.janellefletcher.com 

 

 

fire

How to stop being the dutiful woman and live with more freedom

By | health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Last night I had a bonfire.  It was to end my proverbial Tour of Duty of being dutiful wife and mother.

How did this come about?

Well a simple “domestic” got the fire ignited, but the fuel has been added for quite some time actually.  In fact years of mothering and playing second fiddle.

So, here’s what happened.  A couple of days during the school holidays where I got a welcome couple of days minus kids, I slackened on the “cleaning dishes” front – preferring to take it easy and put other things up the priority list that were important for ME to get ticked off.

Partner, God bless him, came home and had an almighty “spaz” (Do we still use this word?) and didn’t say it, but inferred that I (or perhaps my kids who left for their brief holiday) were lazy.  Or that’s at least how I read/heard the situation.  He proceeded to pour me a wine and make huge noises and grunts as he washed the dishes and wouldn’t allow me to do anything.  A little passive-aggressive I felt.  Well, that did it for me and I didn’t appreciate this sentiment like my “duties” hadn’t been properly completed and that I should be reprimanded. I knew full well my rationale behind leaving the dishes dirty on the bench and I loved abandoning my “responsibilities” for a short time of rebellion and well-needed rest.

Well this little tete-a-tete (yes my partner is french, and no, I don’t know how to put the little accent marks on these words!) was the fuel to get my fire of rage lit and started my final bid to end my many years of Tour of Duty on the wife and motherhood front.  I love the feminine.  I love serving others.  I love doing those little things that make a difference for man and child.  But I have more recently felt the tug of my heart saying “enough Janelle, enough!”. “Do something for you.  Your 6 kids don’t always need you to always think of them first.  They need to learn to do more stuff for themselves.  And don’t keep being like your mum who was also dutiful wife, mother and probably lover who never considered her own needs first.”

So I did it.  I gathered wood, I carried it to the outdoor fire and I lovingly and determinedly made the stand that it I have completed my final Tour of Duty and that I relinquish the habit/pattern/obsession/big heart that continues to have me serving others before myself.

  • It is not with Duty that I do what I will do, but out of Desire.
  • It is not for others’ approval that I will do things.  I will put whatever calls me through my self-approval filter and know I am enough, OK and even loveable even when I appear a little “selfish” or slacken on “what needs done.”
  • It is not with silenced grimace and growing resentment that I allow others to take advantage of my kindness and generosity in my personal and biz life.  It is out of self-love that I now learn to say “no” to others and “yes” to more of me and have better boundaries.

And so the fire ignited and I smiled as I ended my Tour of Duty and started my Tour of Personal Desire.  Do you want to join my tour?

Hey gorgeous, I would love you to send me what this post has sparked within you by sending me an email at janelle@janellefletcher.com or by posting a comment at the somebody beautiful facebook community.  

And if you love this blog wisdom, why not share it with a friend using the social media links below?

And if you haven’t already, go to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit.  There are also some great free resources on this website, upcoming events, coaching/healing options and updates on my up-coming book – Dancing in her own Full Moonlight – the ebb and flow of being fully woman.  See you there!

Janelle Fletcher  www.janellefletcher.com 

 

 

a natural woman 2

You make me feel like a natural woman

By | body love & body image, health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Do you know the Aretha Franklin song “Natural Woman”?  Listen to it here.  a natural woman

My favourite lyrics are these:

When my soul was in the lost-and-found
You came along to claim it

And that got me thinking.

Do we need some “other person” to help us feel like a natural woman?  And what is a “natural woman”?

As always I simply give you my humble perspective, but for me, my experience of feeling lost for numbers of years, lead me down a dark path.  Where did that lost feeling come from?  From not feeling included, from feeling different and from feeling very alone.  My soul simply felt lost and didn’t know where to find itself or find its place.

During that period of teenagehood where I isolated myself within the world of academia and imprisonment of eating disorders and the secrecy and privacy of that,  I really did not feel womanly, and certainly not a “natural” woman. And the same goes following my marriage split when I felt so alone and humbled to little.

If I reflect on womanliness, in those two periods of my life, I found myself dressing quite asexually.  My religious upbringing also herded me into less than “natural-free-spirited-woman clothing”.

I didn’t enjoy fluidity in my body. Yes I played some sport and yes I did my daily walking, but I did not feel the flowing, flirtatious and fun-induced movement in my step as a “natural woman” would.

I did not learn the art of make-up, and therefore opted for “natural.”

During my singledom I opted for what I call “mechanical” sex.  Some would call it “friends with benefits”.  This, for me, is not natural.  Love-making within a loving relationship is.  Allowing myself since then to learn fuller sexual expression is the freedom I gift myself and another as I learn to embrace more of my “natural womanliness”. It is an interesting path to explore such vulnerability, nakedness and naturalness with another.

A natural woman oozes femininity – but that is not something I was schooled in, role-modelled or had the option of exploring until years after my marriage split, when I started to see some light.  Dresses and shoes and sexy lingerie, I chose to enjoy. Being less controlling and more receptive became my way of being.  Seeking someone to compliment my femininity became my yearning – in the sense of finding a man in his own natural strong masculinity.

I guess when I think about the lyrics, my soul was in the lost and found department and yes I was desiring someone, not to come and “claim me”, but for two souls – each complete – to find each other and create a brand new “whole”. And this is what happened after years of patience, finding my own wholeness and learning to be more of my “natural” self – void of too many material possessions, too much “baggage” and too many tick-charts of what my ideal soulmate would be like.

And what do I think about someone claiming my soul that was lost?  I’m not sure it’s the right word.  For me it felt more that we found each other and we are each part of each other’s soul healing and we are both part of finding ourselves again in a new light.  Yeah to that and the joys and challenges that brings us!

 

 

 

 

Dawna Mar

How to feel inspired when you feel darn tired!

By | health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, spirituality, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Flicking this morning through the gorgeous book by Dawna Markova, “I will not die an unlived life” which I used years ago in a women’s group I ran, I was re-inspired when actually feeling darn tired!

Dawna Markova's poemHow am I tired?  And how are you tired?

Well for me, most people see me with bundles of energy, vibrant, vivacious, effervescent and someone who can speak with anyone, “up” the energy in a crowd and inspire people to live a less weathered and less busy life.  And yes I am a natural at that, and also good at pulling off the “I’ve got loads of energy” trick!

Truth is, I am very tired.  Nigh on 50, I have not had a decent night’s uninterrupted sleep for years and my body is exhausted, and it takes up a huge part of my reserves to even muster up physical or mental energy to create anything.  It is a wonder I do!  At times I feel heavy in my spirit, with the occasional glimmer of light and lightness.  This is frustrating, because I live a spirit-guided life, trusting that my path gets revealed, rather than me spending too much time trying to work it all out.  Such a way of living is often a patience game, and that game, truth be known,  is wearing a little thin. At times I get inspiration and create – much like my recent book I wrote in just 30 days, or when I put on a women’s event that everyone raves about.  Other times, if you saw me in my quiet, secret place away from the world, you would realize I spend more time than most in bed wondering what my next step is, why am I still doing a lot of stuff feeling alone and unsupported and why my best efforts, talents and service often still remain unrecognized or taken for granted, leaving me feel even more depleted. But serving others and always putting others up the priority list also zaps me of my own pizazz on occasions.

Actually nowadays I lead a much simpler life after years of caring for my big family, but I am still feeling tired – physically, mentally and soulfully. Yes I am also perimenopausal, and that is beginning to show itself in the feeling that I have of now “re-birthing” myself and my own soul needs, versus the years I have looked after many others’ needs.  But this too is a tiring transformation process with its ups, downs, swings and roundabouts.

Today I also know when aligned with Spirit, life is not all roses.  It is often bloody difficult as we are called to live a life of trusting and surrendering to the will of Spirit that sometimes takes us to “places and spaces” which may give us that “wobbly feeling” even though we know it is best for us to step into that place and space – whether that be the beginning or ending of life location, vocation or love-relation!

So how did Dawna Markova’s book today inspire me?  Well I flicked randomly through it asking for the page to be revealed that would help me today.  Without going into the story Dawna told, it reminded me of the joy that fills me when I do random acts of kindness that so easily and effortlessly come from my inner being.  To befriend someone who feels lonely or different and let them know they are gorgeous and loved, brings me to tears.  To do a simple act that makes someone’s life that much easier or grief less, I notice a “less tired” me!  To speak with a random stranger in a bar of cafe and invite them to feel less anxious by connecting with someone in Spirit is my norm, and to see them physically relax into themselves and their current situation with less angst lifts my spirit too. To travel and experience new cultural delights and see the human spirit from an angle that is not my own, is refreshing.  I have wander-lust indeed.

But I realize too that this can not come easily from the place where I often sit within my four walls or in the surrounding of my duvet.  It will also not come from denying these simple acts I love doing and instead committing to a dead-end 9-5 pm job again under someone else’s jurisdiction.  This kills my spirit and always will! My energy will not come from continuing to serve others before myself.  It will also not come from doing the same as I have tried for many years in my business.

Dawna Markova’s book is called “I will not die an unlived life”.  Intuitively it feels like I don’t need to exhaust myself adding better stuff to my life now to finally say on my death-bed, “That was flippin’ fantastic”.    I need to die to my life that is right now,  to abandon my past ideas of what my business and life could look like, and to start afresh.  And that kind of change actually doesn’t scare me funnily enough, as I enjoy plunging into the unknown!  I will keep you posted!

Hey gorgeous, I would love you to send me what this post has sparked within you by sending me an email at janelle@janellefletcher.com or by posting a comment at the somebody beautiful facebook community.  

And if you love this blog wisdom, why not share it with a friend using the social media links below?

And if you haven’t already, go to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit.  There are also some great free resources on this website, upcoming events, coaching/healing options and updates on my up-coming book – Dancing in her own Full Moonlight – the ebb and flow of being fully woman.  See you there!

Janelle Fletcher  www.janellefletcher.com 

 

vibe attracts your tribe

Is your name stopping you from being fully fabulous?

By | body love & body image, health & well-being, self esteem & self confidence, spirituality, Written Articles | No Comments

This morning, I was prompted by a woman online to fully claim my name.  So what did I take that to mean and what did that make me think of? The first memory that popped into my head was something that occurred several years ago, when one night I was molested.

Without going into the whole deal, this man said my name in such a sleazy, degrading and sexual way that I really felt disempowered when I introduced myself to others.  Saying my name took me back to what happened.  It took me back to the deep feelings of shame, hurt and anger within my body.  It makes me cry with sadness as I type as I recall the fuller story of being betrayed by a friend who believed him over me.

Some years later I was on a Presenter’s course and we were asked to participate in a simple name exercise.  I wept in the “remembering”.  However I also took the opportunity right there in that moment to reclaim a more assertive, powerful, louder and more confident “tone” to my name when I spoke it out.  I reclaimed the love of my mother when she birthed me and gave me that special name.  I declared there and then that who I am is powerful, not powerless and I am a woman of courage, not a victim of circumstance. I also honoured my unsilencing and finding my voice by going to the police even though they disappointed me in their lack of follow-though and ability to take things further.

So what’s in your name(s) that you go by, and do you want to keep, change or give your name(s) new life and energy?

As part of my workshops with women, I have often done an introduction exercise where people write down all of the names they have been given or have assumed – family name, christian name, middle name, adopted name, married name, sexual names, belittling names, teacher’s pet names, names teachers, parents, the church or community have called them, nicknames, names they have overheard people saying about them, adjectives they have been described by, names of endearment, spiritual names, names spoken over them ( eg. “I wish you were never born”), names they have called themselves and their body by and whatever else springs into their awareness when they think about name-calling including the words, tone, volume, attitude and intent behind the name.

This becomes a very powerful opportunity to feel into what names they wish to ditch, and which ones they wish to assume or give energy to again. For some, having divorced, they now wish to assume a different surname that energetically feels uplifting or right for them. For others, they wish to ditch the degrading names they have called themselves or their body, and to start speaking out more body gratitude and body positive messages, not to mention more lovingly describe their body parts.  They have released sexual names – whore, bitch, frigid….through body ritual and cleansing.  They have created ceremony around their new assumed name.

What does this spark within you today?  What is your intuitive voice sounding out for you to consider when it comes to names – for better and for worse?  What names are denying you of being fully fabulous?

For me I thank the woman this morning who prompted this enquiry.  I claimed the name “vibrant, courageous femme extraordinaire”.  I also thank another woman who shared this picture – Your vibe attracts your tribe.  This helped me feel into what my vibe and tribe is and I claim these as part of my name today.

vibe attracts your tribe

I am real, vibrant, authentic, alive, natural, feminine, sensual, courageous, simple, graceful, elegant, open-hearted and shining my unique light, love and loveliness.

 Wow, what an awesome name!

Hey gorgeous, I would love you to send me what this post has sparked within you by sending me an email at janelle@janellefletcher.com or by posting a comment at the somebody beautiful facebook community.  

And if you love this blog wisdom, why not share it with a friend using the social media links below?

And if you haven’t already, go to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit.  There are also some great free resources on this website, upcoming events, coaching/healing options and updates on my up-coming book – Dancing in her own Full Moonlight – the ebb and flow of being fully woman.  See you there!

Janelle Fletcher  www.janellefletcher.com 

 

 

howling wolf

Where has all my female-ness gone? Unleash your “wild” thing!

By | health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Where have all the flowers gone?  A song from way-back just popped into my head as I wondered what muse would flow out of me today?  In fact I don’t even know if I was a twinkling in my mum’s eye when that song came out, but I can certainly remember the melody. What springs forth from that little ditty (profound and political however!), came the question, “Where has all my female-ness gone?”

I ask myself, what brought that odd question on?  Well, I’ve been doing this writing experience – in fact I’m smack back in the middle of it – and it’s called Re-Wilding.  It’s really all about getting back the “wild”, the “fiery”, the “inappropriate” and “range of emotions” ME back again.

Because ladies, we have learned to tame ourselves.  We want more pleasure, but we deny ourselves of it by distancing or distracting ourselves. We would love to vent what’s really hot and fiery inside, but we “behave ourselves” for fear of offending someone.  We would love to be “given to”, have “me time” or indulge in some free time, but we think we have to act all super-man-ish doing everything ourselves and there’s no way we could enjoy some “frivolous” time having more fun.

It’s also much deeper than that.  It’s what has lead us to feel misplaced in such a patriarchal world where we have lost ourselves, or can no longer find that deep, intuitive, impulsive, feeling, wild-woman healer within us.  We listen to the media – I call it the external media – rather than our inner journalist for solutions to our day-to-day life and its myriad of challenges.  We focus on work and getting ahead, versus serving and offering our inner gifts of presence, compassion and love for life.  We fit things around a tight schedule, versus aligning with our monthly and seasonal rhythms, succumbing to the beat of someone else’s drum and not our own natural pace.  We spend time within our home and work environment far more than in the natural elements.  Our feelings of inadequacy are masked and “under-wraps” to keep up with the Jones’ family or to appear as good as Mrs Entrepreneur or another “amazing mum” when really we are feeling exhausted, under the weather and possibly quite soul-discontented.

The masculine and the patriarchy squashes us.  The feminine expands us.  The masculine tames us.  The feminine tempts and teases us playfully.  And the masculine freezes us.  The feminine feels.  She is feisty.  She is honest.  She is indulgent.  She is receptive.  She is wild.  She loves to dance and have pleasures.  She yearns to be unleashed.

So what have I personally noticed during this phase of Re-Wilding?  I have learned that I often avoid the darkness, depths and the dive-down deep moments, in favour of hoping life can simply be easier and better without me doing anything, or preferring to “stay positive” with all of my self-help strategies.  I have opted for staying relatively quiet and “good-girly” when it comes to my family dynamics even though I know I could change things by bravely speaking out even if they ostracized me further. I have tamed my movement, my sexuality and my vitality doing monotony, routine and stuff that kills my spirit, rather than makes my soul sing.  I have allowed my creative spirit to be dampened and put on the back-burner by prioritizing others over myself.  I have also largely been “in control” of my life (and people), but I am soooooo (and might I add an extra “o”) learning that I have no control over it/them really, and I would be better off surrendering and “letting go”.   Ladies, we talk about that, but do we really do it?

So today I have no answers, no tips and no advice.   For that really is the masculine.

I just however invite you, woman to woman, to share one of your “life stories” that is full of emotion and express that story somehow in poetry, song, on top of a mountain top, with a sage stick in hand, or even howling to the moon. The wild woman in you wants to become unharnessed, unsilenced and finally given permission to be less than “appropriate”.

 

If you love this blog wisdom, why not share it with a friend?

And how about also sharing your “story” here or at our somebody beautiful facebook community?

And if you haven’t already, go to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit.  There are also some great free resources on this website, upcoming events, coaching/healing options and updates on my up-coming book – Dancing in her own Full Moonlight – the ebb and flow of being fully woman.  See you there!

Janelle Fletcher